December 25, 2010

A half-birthday new mana rant

I'm not choosing to do things "the hard way" because it makes me feel good. I do it because I believe it is what's best for my baby.

I understand that I/you/your kid was brought up in a certain way and that you feel you were fine, but I sort of disagree. Our rates of cancer and autism are way up, our ozone has holes in it, and people are f-ed up and mean. I'm doing everything I can (no matter how inconvenient you feel it is for me/you) to stop the cycles and give my child (the one I chose to conceive) the best I possibly can (according to me).

1) Yes, I could feed him formula, but I have the luxury of having this time off work to ENSURE that he gets breastmilk. I know you think six months is plenty of time and I should switch to formula, but I'm going to go a year. Formula might be fine for other babies and if Turner needed it it would be fine for him, but he doesn't, so he'll drink the milk that I make him (and work hard to maintain). I actually don't really like breastfeeding. It is inconvenient for me (dude only eats with BOTH OF US laying down), stressful to try to keep my milk up, and makes it difficult to get time alone...but I do it anyway and I try not to complain. If I mention that I can't feed him there or I need to go home because he needs to eat, please don't argue with me or suggest that "if he's hungry enough he'll eat." That may be true, but we'll all have to endure many hours of crying first - which I don't think will add anything positive to the situation.

2) We're not cloth diapering to prove something to people who use disposables. We chose to do so mainly because it is far more affordable for us. Its a bonus that it is better for the planet and I like that it seems like it might be more comfy for my boy (though I don't know). Doing a load of laundry a day isn't a burden and I deal with poop anyway - why not wash it? When you see our handy cool cloth diapers, you might try asking a question rather than saying that "disposables won't kill him and you/your kid/your parent had them and you are fine"

3) I nurse him to sleep and don't let him "cry it out" because generally, he's a happy baby. I understand you are concerned about the lack of sleep I'm getting - I am too, but I know him really well and I know that he doesn't have "energy to work out" or "need to unwind" by crying.

Other babies might have needed that, but mine doesn't. If he's having a hard time going back to sleep or waking up a lot, I know that he needs me/he's teething/has gas/is hungry/had a bad dream. He's a baby and I'm his mom. It isn't "good for him" and it won't "exercise his lungs." My baby won't be spoiled and he won't be sleeping in our bed when he's 15, so I'm not so worried about that either. I hate sleeping alone and am up all night when Tim's out of town, so why should my new baby like to sleep in his vast crib away from his parents. All babies are different and I wish you would trust that I know mine.

4) My waterbirth, was amazing. It was beautiful and both my baby and I are safe. I'm sure your epidural was loverly and that you felt as safe in the hospital as I did at home, but please don't call me crazy (I don't call you crazy). I'm happy to answer any questions you might have about homebirth and the pain and our safety measures. I wasn't trying to "prove anything" - I promise. And you don' t need to try to bring me down a notch - I'm proud of my birth in the same way most women should be proud (shit is challenging and painful).

5) When I tell you my child is tired, we're up past his bedtime, and it would be best if you didn't hold him during this loud crowded Christmas party, please don't argue with me. Sure, he'll be fine, but he doesn't need to "learn to be with family." He knows family and I know how family interacts with him. If we're seeing you for the first time at a Christmas party and won't see you again for a year, there is no reason why my baby needs to get "used to" you. Come over and visit occasionally and you can hold him. You can talk to him while I hold him, but don't try to make me feel like I'm crazy for trying to respect my baby's needs. We're making sure he feels safe and knows i'll protect and take care of him, so you disappearing into a 200 person party where I can't see you "because its good for me" to "relax" is not really helping. It also doesn't help that when I look for him 30 minutes later, a 13 year old I've never met is holding him outside, in the rain.

My hope is that all this hard work now pays off later. It might not - but that's my burden, not yours. If you feel I'm harming my baby, let me know, but if you think I'm doing something that is making MY life harder or is making him "wimpy", I'm comfortable - so you can just move along.

End rant.

December 21, 2010

My nipples are numb

and would like a break. If you are eating for any purpose other than food, please stop.

December 13, 2010

Breakfast with dad

-Sent from a mobile phone - please excuse the punctuation and spelling

New Tricks 5 1/2 months

Little T is:

-almost at crawling and last night at 3am showed us how he can roll to what he wants and is starting to army crawl

-sitting up really well and going from laying down to sitting up (not sure if it is intentional)

-new babbling - sounds more like talking than the squealing of before.

-blowing bubbles and raspberries

- was having horrific sleep patterns (up all night, 30 minute naps), but in the last two days, we've had great sleep and we're on hour 2 of his morning nap now, so WHOO HOOO!

-had a night terror that was more horrifying for me than him

-Feeding himself :)

December 4, 2010

My baby on guitar

Our Driftwood Christmas

We LOVE christmas at my house and when I saw this driftwood christmas tree at the academy of sciences I bought it. No gifts for us this year :)

-Sent from a mobile phone - please excuse the punctuation and spelling

November 30, 2010

-Sent from a mobile phone - please excuse the punctuation and spelling

Sick day

Turner just got over his month long cold yesterday and here I am with another one. I know it isn't possible that I have the same cold - but it sure feels like it.

Taking care of a baby when you're sick stinks. Tim's taken some time during breaks to give me some rest, but really, its just hard.

My house is a wreck. Every night Tim and I clean it and every day by 5 it is a mess. The kitchen is a mess b/c I try to make food but can't clean up. The living room has toys all over and laundry half folded, the hall is full of stuff brought up the stairs but not put away, the bathrooms have laundry and wet washclothes on the floor.

All my orchids are dead. My succulents were dead too, but I finally threw them out.

I have lost 10 of the 60 pounds I gained when I was pregnant. Seriously - not cool. Last week I gained 5 pounds - thanks holidays.

My boy is damn cute though. Today we were reading a book on the bed and he grabbed my mouth and smiled and laughed as I read.

It is 3:00pm and he's down for the night. Which means a 4:30 wake up for us. Heaven.

November 17, 2010


Not sure if its the cool autumn air that gets me sentimental or the group of pregnant women we saw last night, but I am full of love for my babe today.

It has been a hard couple of days. I had him yesterday morning to let the Papa have some time to himself and then today he woke up when Tim left for the airport at 5am after a night of nursing and making me fall off the bed from his scootching closer and closer.


We got coffee and a pastry together this morning and sat in the botanical gardens sharing the morning. He practiced chewing with every bite I took and happily chewed on his Sophie for the whole walk.

He laughed when I was struggling to put on his shirt and he wouldn't give me his arm. He usually fusses.

He fell asleep on our way to the mission today for a baby play group instead of screaming the whole way. I got to listen to The Weepies, which makes me so happy :)

My boy entertained the crowd at play group and then got one step closer to crawling (up on all fours with HEAD UP(rather than his head on the ground)).

He fell asleep in the carrier facing me while I rocked him and ate lunch standing up in a restaurant.

He cracked up in the carseat when I was putting him in and we both laughed until we had to catch our breath. A dream of what families are supposed to be like.

He was silent and played the whole way home.

This all made up for:
poop and vomit on the down comforter this morning (the WHITE down comforter).
keeping me up all night long
being a single mom for a couple days with no down time
peeing on our newly clean bedspread moments after putting him on it.
fussing all day if I'm not touching him.

I love my muffin.

November 13, 2010

Must get all toys in mouth

I've been a mama for 4 months now and hadn't really felt like a "mom" until last night.

I care for him, I love him to death, I wipe his butt, snork out his boogers, let him destroy my body, and I'd give anything for him, but I didn't feel like a mom.

I left him with his grandma aka bunni (with a heart over the 'i'). I knew that if he woke up, she could make it better. Usually, though, once I nurse him to sleep, he's good until 12:30 or so.

When we got there, he was awake and bunnz was making light of the fact that he'd been crying for an hour. I picked him up and he COVERED me with open mouthed drool soaked baby kisses. All over my face, my cheeks, my chin, my mouth. He grabbed my hair and slobbered all over me.

I handed him to his dad and he whimpered, so I took him back and he continued.

My boy knew me. He knew I was gone and he needed his mama.

November 11, 2010

The world's best toy

Baby proofing

Tim and I had a totally babyproofed house before Turner came. Babies wouldn't want to come near it it was so boring and white. Yeah - not funny.

I love whites and beige and tan and brown. Our entire living room is neutral shades and our two rugs are white shag. Tim is convinced that it is sustainable but I have to disagree.

Along with avoiding staining all of our beloved stuff, we have a dangerous stair case, hard wood furniture (that injures small children regularly), poor electrical outlets, and a house without "crap". I hate "stuff" in the house. I want everything to have a place and a purpose. Decorative doo dads don't work for me (except my beloved bud vases - they are just there to be beautiful). We now have a bunch of stuff we have to contain.

Every night I have to go through the house picking up toys, dirty diapers, blankets with pee on them and move them all back to the babe's room, just to be moved back again. Our bedside tables are full of burp rags and our houseplants are dead. One by one I'm going to fix these problems so our house no longer looks like a baby took it over :)

November 8, 2010

Turner learning about donating to the great bankrupt state of California.

November 4, 2010

I don't let my kid smoke in bed, why oh why would he need flame retardants in his PJs?

Went to the mall today and every single pair of baby pajamas had flame retardants in them.

T sleeps so much better with a one piece footed pj, but his cotton ones are a little too cool for the weather we're having. I don't want my kid breathing in poison all night long, but we're stuck with it.

The one pair of jams that didn't have them was $38 and didn't have feet.

Thank goodness for consignment stores.

November 3, 2010

Solid Food Controversy & Other things

1) we're all sick. I have a sore throat, stuffy head, and general exhaustion. Little T is extra fussy and snorky, and papa bear is almost over his cold and is taking care of us all. It is completely heartbreaking to see our little Muffin's pouty lip come out, but it is wonderful that he's napping longer than usual and is back to his 1 wake up per night (5am).

2) I'm really frustrated with our Doctor these days and am not sure what to do with it. Our Doctor essentially tried to push starting solids on us at our four month appointment. I questioned him and he didn't back down, essentially saying that all the former research that says to start at 6 months is faulty.

I asked our midwife about it and she was essentially appalled. She said the baby needs to be able to sit up by himself and reach for our food to be ready (at least six months). When I looked at the materials from Kaiser, they too said the same thing (and said breastfeeding mamas should wait till 6 months).

What's up with our doctor pushing them on us? Our boy is already in the 98% - sleeping through the night and super happy. Why rock the boat? I'm not sure if I should call him and talk to him about what I found or if I should just find another doctor. I get okaying it if a mom comes in super gung ho about starting, but why make me feel like we should start?

To be perfectly honest, I don't love breastfeeding. I think its kind of a pain in the butt and I think my boy would LOVE to start eating, but I don't want to mess him up!

3) Baby T and I took our first plane ride together. He was wonderful. I was a little uncomfortable and stressed so I don't think we'll be doing it any time soon for any great distance, but it was a wonderful trip and we got to see great friends.

October 21, 2010

The cold San Francisco fall has begun. I made the poor dude go for a walk with me in the park but even with this silly hat and a bundleme, his little nose and cheeks were FREEZING. I ended up wearing him in our new Beco Gemini (LOVE IT!) and he was a little warmer...but we've gotta figure out how to survive in this weather and not be stuck in the house all day.

October 20, 2010

Mama Guilt

I have such guilt that I'm doing or not doing what is best for my baby.

What do I feel guilty about?
- T playing alone while I do dishes
- wearing clothes with polyester in them
- him glancing at the computer screen for a minute and me not taking him away
- making him ride in the car because it isn't quality time and he hates it so much
- giving him the paci just a couple more times in the morning to hold him off
- saying anything negative in front of him - I don't want to scar him this young
- his diapers cutting into his thighs because they are ginormo
- not bathing him enough
- drinking coffee and feeding him

The list could go on and on...

I totally get the draw of finding an expert and doing what they say, but I know that the experts are not necessarily thinking about the long term health of the baby, but quick results. We have Kaiser, so its hard to find a pediatrician that we trust is skeptical enough about the medical industrial complex. I wish we could have monthly meetings with our midwives forever :)

I wish I had a book I could trust to help me - I'm struggling already trying to figure out how to get rid of the paci at 6 months (its the only way he goes to sleep and stays asleep) and worried about sending him to the nanny who won't have the time to put him down the way I do. I don't really trust anyone but me with my bubbs.

Getting over mama guilt will be the best thing I can do for myself. But how?

We have teething

Updates on the babe:

1) About a month ago we realized that Turner's "witching hours" (5pm-8pm) were actually just hunger. My supply was lowering and he wasn't getting what he needed. I started taking fenugreek and mothers milk plus and WOW my supply was up almost instantly. He's been a happy camper since then. If I forget to take it for a day, its back down again and we're back at square one.

2) Since we figured that out, dude's been falling asleep at 6:00 and sleeping until 3 or 4. Which is AMAZING.

3) For the last three nights he's been up at least four times and fussing about eating. I have a couple theories. a) he's more aware and wants to play b) he wants to turn over so bad since he learned how that eating is a bad position for him c)he's teething. All signs point to teething since I just left him with his dad for an hour and a half and he screamed the whole time.

3) We still have one of the happiest babies ever. He's a joy.

4) Papa and I are slowly figuring out how to balance our personal needs with the other's need for space and alone time. I've had alone time twice this week and it is SO GROOVY. Even though I got the car washed, returned something to Target, and went to the gym, I feel so relaxed. I really want to go to a movie and go shopping for myself, but any alone time is great.

I'm about to get dressed for lunch with some other mamas and then to our homebirth mama group. Little guy is sleeping peacefully right now so I hope he wakes up in the next half hour so we can go without me waking him early.

October 13, 2010

Stay at home mama drama

I belong to several mama groups and have made some great mama friends and it really surprises me that we all have some of the same challenges around figuring out our relationships with our spouse and what it looks like to be the one home and the one working.

We live in San Francisco and all have feminist uber progressive husbands/partners, but for some reason we all have wacky traditional role problems when the babies come out.

I'm SO lucky to get to stay home for seven months with our boy and still have a job to go back to, but I'm finding that both Papa and I have these high expectations for ourselves that are based on really sexist assumptions that drive us both up the wall.

With absolutely no pressure from each other we both feel intense responsibility. Tim feels like he needs to be the financial backbone of the family and feels pressure to PROVIDE (in all caps). I feel this responsibility to care for our family, keep the house in order, make sure we're eating, and ensure that the baby doesn't cry.

The house will not stay clean because I'm busy helping my boy's brain grow and I'd rather play with him and sing the silly abc's than do dishes or fold my laundry. No just because its more fun (sometimes I'd rather do dishes), but because I want to give him all that I can.

Turns out that a lot of mamas I know with new babes feel the same way and I can't quite figure out what we can do about it.

I am so greatful for the other mamas though because without them I know I'd feel incredibly alone in this challenge of reconfiguring out lives.

Here's Turner on a play date with one of his many girlfriends (and yes, the mohawk is all natural and we don't put anything in it):

October 5, 2010

First Rollover

We were sitting on the dock on Leonard Lake last weekend and Turner was naked and happy on his back when he rolled over for the first time. I was totally a proud papa cheering him on and throwing my hands up in the air when he finally realized that he could free the arm that was blocking him by arching his back and lifting his head up--ending up in a beautiful cobra pose.

I must admit that after being gone so many days where I come home in the evening and he's already asleep, part of my thrill was that I was there to see it. What surprised me the most was how I'd been watching all his separate moves--learning to lift his head up when he's on his belly, kick a leg over when he's on his back, etc.--and to see them all come together into one amazing back to belly roll.

September 29, 2010

3 months

Dude does a VERY cute thing where he takes his pacifier out and tries so hard to get it back in. I say days before he's got it down.

He's giggling now when I sing the ABCs in a funny way and it totally warms my heard.

He's almost rolling over, but when he gets his arm over he loses momentum because he sticks it in his mouth.

moved into medium fuzzibunz - the smalls were supposed to work until 6 months, but the dude is 17+ pounds at 3 months. Chunky thighs and a barrel chest.

Papa and I have started to figure out what we're doing and trying to focus on our relationship. Another mama friend and I have decided we need to write the book on what really happens when you have a kid and how hard those first couple weeks are and how your relationship changes with your spouse. It might make the population explosion slow a bit.

August 29, 2010

hand control

Dude has control of his hands now.

Last night when he was eating he stroked my arm.


August 28, 2010

August 27, 2010

2 months

Dear Future Self,

I hope you are reading this when Turner's little brother or sister (NO, I'm not pregnant) is a couple weeks old and you forget when all the hell stopped. Hopefully knowing that it ends (or changes) is some light at the end of the tunnel.

By six weeks:
breastfeeding was much easier
smiles were easy to get by making faces
neck control was great
scooting across the bed in the middle of the night to find mama
Still not much of a crier or a fusser. Beginning ot realize that this is a GIFT from GOD as friend's babies fuss a TON more.

By seven weeks:
boobs regulated so not so much engorgement or constant spraying across the room
SLEEPING through the night (sleeping at 8, one wake up at 4ish, up at 6 for an hour of play time, then back to sleep till 10 or 11)
Outgrew all of your 3-6 month clothes.
Standing (with assistance of course) and bending knees
bubbling at the mouth

By eight weeks:
regularly sleeping through the night
totally reliable schedule (napping and eating throughout the day, fussy from 5-8, pass out at 8)
SELF SOOTHING to sleep at night or nap times (with pacifier). We can put you down after a feed and some cuddles and you fall asleep by yourself.
constantly shoving your fist in your mouth

Today is your 9 week birthday and we really are starting to get to know you a little better.

Your papa says you'll be a small business owner with a boat, one of those guys that everyone likes :)

August 24, 2010


(this is just spit up, but man oh man, what spit up it is)

Poor dude has thrush.

The day before we were leaving on our trip to Camp Mather (Yosemite) with no access to healthcare, phone, or internet, I saw white fuzz in little T's mouth. I knew immediately it was thrush and started my mad googling to find out what to do about it. Most websites said to let it be, but when I called Kaiser (just to be sure), they prescribed him medication and gave us a million things to do.

The nurse asked us if he was our first and I said yes - to which he responded "oh, then I don' t have to tell you to make sure to santize his pacifiers if they drop on the ground, new parents are obsessive about that. It's the second timers who just brush them off or put them in their own mouths and hand them back to babies." I said, "yup." and felt like a horrible parent.

Apparently, Tim and I act like pros because we NEVER actually sanitzied his pacifiers :0.

This could have been what caused the thrush.

Tim's first attempt to give him his medicine (you are supposed to rub it on his tounge), caused T to violently throw up (he went too far back in his throat), but we got it down from there.

Thrush is not the kind of thing you want to treat while camping for a number of reasons:
1) the medicine is VERY sticky and dirt LOVES to cling to it
2) no table to put bottle on = spilled bottle of medicine
3) air drying my nipples while in public is not really polite
4) it is impossible to steralize everythign every day when you are camping.

So, now I have thrush and have to put medicine on me everytime I feed him, which I then have to remember to wipe off before I feed him again. Not exactly easy.

We're working on it and I'm working on not feeling like a horrible parent.

August 10, 2010

Arg Fog

We've been so sick of the fog we've taken a bunch of trips up north to sonoma county for sun.

Our trip to the Russian River was heavenly. I forget how perfect it is up there.

I'm still a little uncomfortable with my body, so I stayed on land, but Tim swam and Doodle got naked and slept in the shade.

We had great Mexican food on the way home and the doodle slept.


August 4, 2010


Last night at our three am feeding, muffin rubbed his eyes. Like he was tired. Like a cute little mini person!

I had to wake his dad up to tell him.

When I told a bunch of other mamas today, they didn't seem impressed.

August 1, 2010

Getting the Hang of This

We are sort of getting the hang of this at this point. We know what to do when he screams in the car. We think we have the nighttime pattern down. We know what to do to make him smile. I've figured out how to manuver everything to feed him without dripping all over myself and him (most times) and to avoid most of the mess of vomit (if we ever remember a burp cloth the first time, we'll give ourselves a medal).

The rewards are finally getting worth the trouble. I know that sounds horrible, but for the first few weeks, you are tired, disgusting, and feel hung over, but the baby just sleeps,eats and poops.

Now he's smiling, laughing, and engaging with us so much more. He feels like our son and not some kid we're taking care of for someone else. He's a great baby who rarely cries unless he's hungry or it is 6:00 and he needs to be soothed to sleep.

This mama's a little camera happy and can't stop taking photos. I've got to start learning how to use the camera properly because the pics we have of him stink - I"d like some that are frame worthy.

This is my newest favorite of Turner and his Papa. They are just too cute together.

July 11, 2010

Our monkey man is growing up really quickly. He's already over 9lbs 12 oz (his weight three days ago), tonight he smiled and laughed as Tim played with him, and we are starting to get the hang of this thing.

I know someday he'll be a man. I'm pretty sure he won't be much trouble - he'll be good (or at least good at pretending to be good), treat people well and occasionally maybe forget to do his homework. I'm already feeling like I have to cherish these moments. One of my favorites is when he's done nursing and he pops off with his lips pursed, then plops his head on my breast and sleeps. So sweet.

We're doing laundry twice a day and I can finally help out a little. Tim's been amazing and I can't imagine how people do this without him. I honestly don't know another man who I can imagine being as wonderful as my husband. It feels good to take a little of the burden of the house off him, but it's amazing how much mess there is.

I'm constantly cleaning poop off the walls, spit up off the floor and picking up breast pads, burp cloths, hats, baby socks, and for today, chocolate chips :)

Turner's got a little congestion, so last night we had to help him sleep sitting up. WE tried in his bouncy chair, but felt bad, so we took turns sleeping with him on our chest on the recliner. It wasn't the most comfortable sleep, but it was sweet to sleep with him the whole night. I missed Tim though.

Friday night we went to the Deyoung with my mom and mike. Tim and I ordered the prix fixe in the cafe and I had a glass of wine! Monkey slept the whole time. It was WONDERFUL to get out and even though I couldn't handle the museum, it gave me hope that we can go places.

Today we decided to go to the farmer's market (we canceled our vegi delivery b/c we don't have as much time to cook these days). After dressing him, packing a diaper bag and heading down stairs, we put him in the carseat in the garage while Tim and I tried to put together the stroller/car seat adaptor.

As we pulled out the stroller we found an OLD stale FUNKY milk sippy cup that belonged at one point to my nephew. It had spilled all over the bottom of the stroller. Tim had to clean that out and almost threw up.

As he struggled to put together the stroller, Little T started to cry, so I took him in the car to feed him. When he took a break I burped him, and he threw up on my shoulder. He then pooped, so once Tim was ready to go, we decided to change him in the car. Clearly this is a parenting mistake - we'll be feeding and changing in the house from now on. He proceeded to pee ALL over the car, all over Tim, and all over himself.

I took him upstairs to change him into a new outfit, got back in the car and were on our way.

When we got to the farmer's market, he immediately started crying b/c he was hungry, so I sat on a curb in the stonestown parking lot - boobs out - feeding him for about 30 minutes.

We eventually got our groceries (ended up holding him in our arms b/c he hated the stroller/carseat), got in the car and other than his screaming fit on the way home, we made it.

It was exhausting, but my confidence as a parent his increased a TON and I'm ready for the next challenge.

Lessons learned:
bring the moby or ergo wherever we go
find a nursing cover
eat breakfast before going out b/c it could take forever to get food
change baby in the house if you are anywhere near by.

July 6, 2010

Quick thoughts from a new mama

There are so many fluids involved in a new baby: barf, pee, milk. It's all everywhere and you can't do anything about it. Everything is soaked, we have to change the sheets daily, my outfit several times a day, and are so happy to have mostly leather furniture.

It's not as easy as I want it to be to nap when he naps. Those hours feel precious, but I know I have to figure it out soon.

Babies all like different stuff: we have friends who swore by baby nightgowns, others who liked to swaddle and we can't get Little T more comfy than by putting him in this ONE pair of winnie the pooh hand me down pajamas. We've tried other pj's, but he really loves this one pair. We have to wash them every day.

Breastfeeding was hard until yesterday - then it got a lot easier. Hopefully it stays this way as my milk keeps up with his needs and he gets more efficient. The three hour feeds of the first few days were draining.

So far, Little T's been a great baby. He only cries when he's hungry and we don't pick up on it right away or has little bursts of fussiness if he's gassy. I can't imagine if he had collic or something that made him cranky.

His smiles rock our world, and whenever Tim laughs, Turner mimics him.

June 29, 2010

Our Birth Story

Here's a draft of our birth story that should probably be edited by Tim for timing details and reality checks. It's long, but I wanted to have it detailed so I would always remember. It is really graphic and detailed - so if you don't want to know - don't read :)

Turner Wertz Jenkins was born at home at 10:30am on June 25th, 2010. At my 38 week appointment, we learned I was 3 cm dilated and 80% effaced and I had my membranes stripped (they separate the lining of your amniotic sac from your cervix to get hormones flowing that could start labor if you body is ready). Though I knew that this meant nothing as to when I would go into labor, I hoped it meant it would be earlier than my due date.

I was miserably swollen, sick, and exhausted. After days and days of what I thought was false labor and tons of walking the city daily for hours, I woke up Wednesday, June 22nd (39 weeks, 2 days), with a feeling of an uncontrollable gushing. My water had broken. Any story I had heard about water breaking included people going directly into serious labor. I immediately threw up my breakfast and had a minor contraction – I assumed this was it. Tim called the midwife and started cleaning the house. I put on the crockpot to have a meal ready for when the baby was born.

Our midwives suggested going for a walk to get things moving. This was my ongoing list of what we did:

water broke at 8:15
started puking up my whole breakfast
minor contractions
a little bigger at safeway
came home and rested
tim got house together
heading out to a walk
drove to boudin and got lunch
went to the library
went to the deyoung
went to the japanese tea garden
walked in the botanical garden
contractions got intense and 4 minutes apart but stopped when we got home. *Little did I know that “intense” contractions are not painful contractions and these were still just practice ones – we were no where near the real deal yet.

We got home after hours of walking and everything stopped. I was bummed. We spoke with our midwife and she suggested resting b/c we would probably have an intense night. Unfortunately, I slept until 8am and woke up feeling fine. 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep did not seem to indicate a fast labor starting. Our midwife came by at around 11 and suggested some natural induction methods. Hospitals usually give you 24 hours after your water breaks to naturally go into labor before they induce you. Our midwives give us 72 hours but do a lot of precautions to ensure there is no infection (which is the danger of going too long with your water broken).

After checking out the baby’s vitals and seeing that he was fine, she took mine. When she took my blood pressure the first time it was really high. After asking what our backup hospital was, Tim and I got scared. High blood pressure is a very dangerous thing in pregnancy, and if I showed too many signs of pre-eclampsia, we would have to go to Kaiser for an induction. We had planned a homebirth to avoid induction at Kaiser. She had me lay down, and walked me through a relaxation meditation. My blood pressure dropped a ton and we were still good to go on the homebirth.

We had my mom go pick up some black cohosh tincture and cottonroot (as driving to the Mission District where the herb store is - would stress me out and now I was under strict orders to stay calm and mellow) and I took bits of that over the course of three hours. Felt nothing but a bit of a stomach ache.

Then we went for a long walk in the botanical gardens and had some sushi with TONS of wasabi. The spicyness didn’t do anything, but the nice meal at our favorite sushi place was relaxing and fun.

When we got home Tim set up the breast pump and I had to do nipple stimulation. Pumping is not fun or easy and I was supposed to do 20 minutes of pumping and 20 minutes of rest for 3 hours, but had to give up at 15 each time because it was SO uncomfortable.

I was still having fairly regular Braxton hicks contractions, but nothing painful.

We went to bed again disheartened and praying that he would come with our last trick so we didn’t have to give birth in a hospital.

I woke up at 3:30 (Tim was already in the kitchen having a snack and surfing the internet) and made a smoothy full of 4 oz of castor oil. Our midwives said Castor Oil was their “big guns” , it made for a messy nasty labor, but worked in 56% of cases. I drank the first half of the smoothy and made oatmeal cookies, we waited 30 minutes per their instructions, and I drank the other half. At 4:30 I had my first major contraction which included running to the bathroom to vomit up most of the smoothie.

We were told that once you took the Castor Oil it would take about 3 hours for the major diarrhea to start and another 3 for contractions to start. This was about 30 minutes in and we were having contractions. Our midwives DID say that all of the induction methods we were trying (tinctures, walking, spicy foods, and nipple stimulation) would work together and have a build up and cumulative effect, but after a whole night’s sleep with no contractions, I was sure it was the castor oil.

Immediately (4:30am) they were intense and painful. We started timing them and they were more than a minute long and about 3-4 minutes apart (we were instructed to call our midwives when they were a minute long, 4 minutes apart for an hour). After 30 minutes of this we called our midwives and they sent over Kara, their apprentice and an amazing doula. When she arrived, I was feeling fine between contractions and could chat and make jokes, but during, I would make figure eights in the living room and dining room and eventually end up at a 90 degree angle over the buffet looking out into the Safeway parking lot. I started making “ooooohhhh” noises during the hard parts which really helped.

Tim reminded me after that at this point, I said to him, “this is different, this is the most pain I’ve ever been in” (little did I know).

I think we were both really happy at this point despite the pain, because we were both terrified of losing our dream of a homebirth. We would have done what we needed to for our baby and our health, but had invested so much in doing it at home that this amount of pain was welcomed.

Shortly after Kara arrived (about 5:30am), my contractions got more intense and I couldn’t walk through them, but had the need to get close to the floor so got on all fours in the hallway between the living room, foyer, and dining room. I would rock my hips back and forth and “ooooh” through the contractions. They got more and more intense and I would have to take trips to the bathroom (the castor oil had started working). Contracting on the toilet wasn’t good, so I had Tim and Kara bring me pillows so I could be in the bathroom and labor in the hallway during contractions. I had a bit of blood at this point, which Kara assured me was a great sign. When I look back at the contraction timer my contractions were about three minutes long at this point (which is very long).

At one point I got on the toilet and just didn’t want to get off. I loved being isolated from everyone and if I leaned back to the perfect angle and rubbed the tops of my thighs rhythmically and made loud low humming noises, it decreased the pain significantly. I would say that these contractions (I’m told after the fact that I was in the bathroom for over an hour) were the worst of the worst. Tim also tells me that I was chanting/singing “ooooooooooooooopen”.

I told Kara that I felt like the baby was coming – I didn’t know why, but it felt like it. I had had a bit more blood at that point as well. She made me go into the bedroom to do a cervical check. (this was around 7 or 8 am). I knew my cervix wasn’t dilated far enough b/c she didn’t tell me what the progress was, but I knew he was coming soon, so I ran back to the bathroom for more alone time.

She tried to convince me to get into the birthtub. On my way from the bathroom to the birth tub I had the worst contraction I remember, dropped to my knees and screamed. I didn’t have my good space around me (bathroom, foyer) and it was horrible. I felt out of control at that point, but knew that contraction would be over soon and I could get in the tub.

When I got in the tub it was magical. The weightlessness felt great and the warmth felt really great on my tense muscles. I think I said something along the lines of “this is amazing” and started floating around, but then another contraction came along. (Tim tells me at this point that she was trying to slow down the labor because my contractions were coming one on top of the other). Usually they don’t let you in the tub until you are at around 7 centimeters, and I found out after that I was only at a 5.

One of my great fears was having diarrhea in the tub, so I made sure to go and labor on the toilet in between contractions to clean myself out. I heard Ami, our midwife come in and open the door to the bathroom, I had just had a big bloody show and she said that it was good. Edited to add: At one point (transition) I was on the toilet having diarreah and throwing up all at the same time. I started trying to get it into the trashcan, but eventually just gave up. When that contraction was over, I got back into the tub (modesty went right out the window at this point – I was walking around the house naked) and had a couple of horrible contractions. They were long, and on top of each other. I was biting the side of the birth tub to get through them, on all fours and rocking my hips. I told them I needed them to talk me through them and when they were using calming voices, I remember yelling that they needed to be louder and stronger. Someone tried to give me a washcloth to bite, but I hated it and went right back to biting the side of the birth tub.

At this point, I felt him really down low. I told them I wanted to push (this was about an hour after I was checked and was only 5 cm dilated). Ami looked concerned and told me I had to get out of the tub to get checked before I could push (if I had any cervix left, it would make it really tough and slow things down even more).

I don’t quite remember things clearly after this point, but I struggled to get out of the tub and laid down on my bed. She checked me and I had a contraction as she was inside me. Apparently I screamed, “I hate you, get out of me, I hate you, Stop” and physically moved away. I jumped back in the tub. My need to push got even greater at that point.

I vaguely remember someone calling the other midwife and telling her to hurry. In an hour I had advanced from 5cm to 9 cm and at 10cm I could start pushing. At this point, I got an amazing heaven sent break. I was able for about 5-10 minutes to rest. No contractions. I floated in the water and laid my head on the side of the tub and almost fell asleep. I remembered from our research that this break is to give you energy for pushing so I took advantage of it and rested.

I had one more contraction and halfway through started grunting and telling Ami I HAD to push. I couldn’t help it. She made me stop by making breathy “puh puh” sounds through the contractions – it worked for the last half, but at the peak, I had to push a little. My body would just automatically start grounding itself and I would groan and grunt and push with no control.

I sort of remember Ami telling Kara to call Nancy and see how long till she got there and Kara telling her she would be about 15 minutes. They then started preparing for me to have the baby without the second midwife – they were discussing roles. I asked them for each contraction to remind me what to do. I couldn’t remember the noise to make. The desire to push was so welcomed.

Finally, Nancy arrived, I think Kara checked me from behind and I finally go the okay to push. At this point I was on my knees with my arms over the side of the tub. When a contraction would come I would push with everything I had. My first push I started pushing with my abs and stomach muscles, but remembered from our research that I needed to push like I was having a bowel movement, so I did. It felt like I was moving a bowling ball through my body, but I could tell it wasn’t going the wrong way. I started pushing on my hands and knees, and then the midwives had me get on my back. I gripped the back walls of the tub with my hands, and floated my body along the tub, my legs positioned on the walls in front to get a good “grip”.

The most satisfaction I had throughout the entire process was pushing. I knew the end was near, it felt great, and I was finally in control of the process. There were a couple times that I could feel (and see!) his head come a little out and slip back in – I told the midwives and they said it was good and important because it stretched out my perineum. I told myself I would let it happen three more times then I was going to get him to stay out! I did it too.

My fourth push his head was halfway out (or it felt like that) and I yelled, “he’s stuck.” I knew it wasn’t true, but I couldn’t think of the words to ask how I could get past that place. I had reached what they call the “ring of fire” and it was true to it’s name. His head was stretching me to the furthest place it would have to go and I could feel it.

They assured me he wasn’t stuck, and I screamed “Ring of F*ing Fire”, and backed up in the tub like I was afraid of what was happening. After reviewing the birth video, I had a horrified and scared look on my face. Nancy, our midwife, yelled at me “don’t run from it, go INTO it.” And I did. With a blood curdling scream, I popped the rest of his head out. I thought this would be satisfying, but then a horrible feeling of his body being inside me and his head out made me scream even more intensely (I was told after the fact, that his body was rotating inside of me and that was why it felt so strange and scary). Without waiting for another contraction, I pushed the rest of him out. Immediate relief.

Once he was out, they put him on my chest and he started to mew a little. He was a little purple, but started pinking up really quickly. His dad was behind me and said, “hey boy” to which turner opened his eyes and lifted his head to see where that familiar voice was coming from.

The best part of the whole experience was shortly after the baby being checked out, me being sewn up (tearing was SO not as bad as I thought it would be – not something to be afraid of at ALL – 2nd degree tear with a couple stiches), and a quick shower, Tim, Turner and I got into our bed and slept as a family. No one came to check our vitals every 30 minutes, there were no beeping machines, we got to eat our own food and snuggle in our own sheets. Homebirth is amazing.

I’m told I was a really independent laborer. I spent most of the time isolated in the bathroom with the door closed. Poor Tim was primarily an onlooker and didn’t get to do any of the techniques we learned in our birth class because talking and touching all felt very wrong to me the whole time.

June 16, 2010

Still only 38 weeks and 2 days (40 weeks is my due date and the baby can come as late at 42 weeks). But each day gets LONGER and LONGER.

Every morning I wake up and I'm not in full blown active labor is a disappointment. I've started planning at least one big activity a day to keep me occupied because otherwise I think I'd go nuts.

Lost my mucus plug yesterday which is another sign that things are moving along, but not enough to actually say that anything real is happening (can be 2 weeks to 2 hours before baby is born when you lose your mucus plug).

I can feel that things are happening, but I'd really like to get this show on the road.

The house is getting scrubbed today, so I'm hoping that Turner was just waiting for a super duper clean house and fresh flowers before he decides to make his entrance into the world. Or he's gonna wait another week until the house is a mess again and the flowers are dead.

I'd love to have a baby by this weekend.

June 14, 2010

38 weeks today!

Went on a walk to Tart to Tart with Tim yesterday and had some serious lower pressure and lots of braxton hicks. It felt so weird, at one point I started to cry - not the first time I've spontaneously cried during this pregnancy.

We sat down, had a slice of cake, played dice, then walked home with more good pressure and cramping.

Our midwife came over this morning and checked my cervix for progress...3 cm and 80% effaced (effaced=how thin your cervix gets). I have to keep reminding myself that that doesn't mean anything (you can go into full blown labor with no dilation or be at a 4 for weeks before active labor), but at least all the walking is working. And the cramping I've been feeling is real.

I've had menstrual type cramps since she stripped my membranes which I think is a good sign. I'm just gonna wait it out!

June 10, 2010

Yoga on Tuesday. Kinda lame - too many people crowded and it was a little difficult with my ginormous belly.
Walked on Wednesday at Land's end which felt loverly. Had a great talk with another preggo.
Walked today (Thursday) for about three hours down Clement Street. Got some good activity happening towards the end.

I've been feeling a lot of cramping in my cervix (kind of like sharp pains) which I know are probably just the baby's head hitting a nerve, but rather than freak out, I say to myself "open" and breath through them, hoping that it does something real.

Tonight Tim and I take our "newborn care class" which will probably be a little refresher for us both since we've taken care of the niece and nephew plenty, but I like taking time for us to focus on the baby together.

The freezer is stocked and all I have left to make is oatmeal cookie dough and cinnamon rolls (for easy defrost and bake with no mess).

So far I have:
2 pans of lasagne
a batch of black bean soup (in small containers)
spinach casserole
mac and cheese with broccolini and cauliflower
two quiches (bacon, spinach, onion)
breakfast burritos
bean and cheese burritos

Hopefully that will last us a couple week.s

June 9, 2010

Get him outta here

My midwife gave me an order to make sure I'm getting cardio every day - so I have.

Walking and yoga every day - She wanted me to make sure I keep up my endurance, but I'm hoping it makes him come a little sooner. Plus, this morning, I had pineapple for breakfast. That's supposed to do something, I think.

I think Tim is finally realizing that he's going to have to turn over his work and its freaking him out :)

June 5, 2010

Tomorrow we hit 37 weeks. That means that Turner can come at any time and that we can have him at home. I'm So ready.

Went to see Alia's baby girl today and she was SO much smaller than I imagined, but I suppose that's because I haven't seen a new baby recently.

My feet are swollen (for the first time really) but I think it was from the Sonoma County heat. It was 87 degrees when I left Petaluma at 2:30 and 65 when I got into the city. Tim and I met up with some friends in the park with their babies and it was a loverly perfect temperature. My feet are still swollen though :)

Someone from our birth group won't be attending our dinner party tomorrow night because her water broke this morning. As thrilled as I am for her, I want it to be ME in labor right now (she's due the same time we are). I'll be as patient as I can, but I'm over this and want to hold little T on the outside.

Feels like he's ready too, because as we speak he is pressing down with his head into my cervix (which is a stabbing sort of pain) and up into my ribs with his little butt (which is mostly just cute and kinda uncomfortable).

When our midwives measure my uterus they have been getting high measurements pretty consistently (between 4-6 weeks ahead). We finally went for an ultrasound to rule out a huge baby or excessive amniotic fluid, and everything is perfectly on track (though I was hoping for an incorrect due date and that we were further along than we though).

Next week is food week, where I'll be baking and cooking and storing all kinds of goodies so we can have them on hand and ready to be cooked once the baby is here so we aren't eating pizza and chinese every night.

Our todo list:
install dimmers on the light switches in bedroom and nursery
wash all the diapers FIVE times (so they are absorbent, apparently)
make a ton of food
get a list of contacts for my sister to send announcement emails to
clean out my closet (b/c I have a feeling it will never get done if we don't do it now)
get Tim's office in order

And, by the way - I'm cranky. Very cranky. And I have THE most amazing husband on the planet. He's SO patient and loving and kind even though most of the time I'm horrible to be around. Luckily, I think he knows it won't last forever - just 'till we get the placenta out of me.

May 28, 2010

Can't sleep either

It is 2:30am and Regina's been tossing and turning and rearranging pillows for a good hour now and has finally fallen asleep, but here I am wide awake after all of it. We had another ultrasound today and he's head down and with his back to the left--which is the perfect position. I watched the chambers of his heart open and close and his ribs squeeze in what the doctor called practice breathing.

May 26, 2010

So, we're at 35 1/2 weeks today. I truly couldn't imagine ever getting here. We have 4 1/2 weeks till our due date (though I know that we could go later than that.

My nausea is finally under control and we've had four days without my medicine (though I'm currently sweating and feeling nauseous).

My current symptoms:
CRAZY active baby. I mostly feel his little butt up by my right rib, but I can occasionally feel his head poking into my cervix (NOT FUN). As I'm typing this he's going nuts and I can't figure out what parts are knocking around - but I'm hoping he's still in head down position.

Heartburn. But mostly when I overeat or east spicy foods.

Not able to sleep - at all. Tossing and turning all night long. Either hunger or the need to pee, and by the morning, my hips hurt. I am dreading sleeping at this point.

Lots of Braxton Hicks Contractions. These aren't painful, but are a tightening of my whole belly and make it really uncomfortable.

April 21, 2010

So proud of Tim!

After almost a year of prep and bargaining he just finished negotiating a KILLER contract. It included groundbreaking language and most importantly the nurses themselves had to participate in collective action to get it.

Just two years ago he was feeling stifled and stuck in a job (that I still hold) and took a leap to apply for one at his current employer. He’s rocking out and loving every minute of it. We’re both so lucky to have jobs with maximum flexibility, but I’m really proud that he’s found a place that appreciates what he has to offer and that challenges him every day.

I had a horrible thought in the shower this morning though. Since both of our jobs require working the weeks before an election, will we ever be able to take our munchkin trick or treating? Will we have to set up a new tradition that grandma takes him trick or treating every year? Do people even trick or treat in SF? We’ve never had a knock at our door.

Our Virginia Adventure Continued...

Between my discomfort in the car and Tim’s “exhaustion” we were a pretty big mess. We found a starbucks in Raleigh (decaf for me and highly caffeinated for Tim) and got on our way to Tazewell to meet his grandparents. I adore Tim’s mom and was really looking forward to an afternoon with her.

We arrived in Tazewell exactly on time and I met his grandparents, his Aunt Peg, and his uncle. We were expecting pizza delivery (so his grandmother didn’t have to put herself out), but she instead cooked up a feast for us. We had country ham, mac and cheese, salad, creamed corn, cabbage, biscuits, and banana pudding (I know there was more, but I forget what it was). I was SHOCKED to see Tim eat the ham, but weeks later he’s still talking about it. We chatted for a bit and were surprised when his mom brought us some gifts to open! She knitted turner a beautiful baby blanket and also presented us with the blanket that Tim’s grandmother made for him when he was a baby. It is in such perfect condition I can hardly believe it is 37 years old!

She also gave us an AMAZINGLY beautiful rattle. Hand carved out of wood by an artist. It just goes to show how perfect Tim’s mom is. She really “gets” us and knew that a rattle made of beautiful wood would be so appreciated by us. I hate to let our little muffin get his hands on it and want to just display it, but if I know Eunice, she’ll want him to play with it.

We got to go on a tour of Tazewell and see all the places she had lived, the churches, schools and visited the Tazewell museum. Tim was starting to look a little funky at this point but didn’t want his mom to know and I was starting to melt as well. We went to a little park and ate early birthday rum cake (SO GOOD) and chatted before we had to drop off his mom for her three hour trip back to Knoxville.

By this time we headed out again on an hour long trip to his dad’s house in Narrows, VA. His dad’s house is like a vacation wonderland (I can imagine renting a house like this for a weekend in CA would be hundreds of dollars). We had a great dinner and snuggled into bed. Tim looked horrible at this point. In the morning after a night of me worrying and Tim groaning through the night, we took his temp and it was 102.6. I decided it was time to go to the hospital.

Long story short: We were told after blood tests and xrays that Tim either had a blood clot in his lung or pneumonia. After additional testing, we found out it was pneumonia, got some IV antibiotics and left.

It was a long day and with my pregnant self and Tim’s illness, we spent the rest of our vacation in bed.

The three hour drive back to Raleigh was tough. We were both pretty sick, but I got to finally stop at the Cracker Barrel and if I could have I would have just eaten their biscuits forever (how do they make them so fluffy and magical in the South?).

The plane ride home was the longest plane ride I’ve ever had. Tim was SO sick on the ride home and we had to switch positions for the first time in seven months. I was the caretaker and he was the patient. It was good to know I could buck up in times of need, but you better believe we both needed DAYS of rest after this trip.

April 7, 2010

Ice cream

I can still eat ice cream, and bread, and five taste chicken from melisas!

We had our gestational diabetes screen today and THANK GOODNESS I passed. I usually eat several times throughout the night and first thing in the morning so having to wait until 8:15 to eat was rough. My blood sugar was so low (57 I think?) that the midwife was like "eat girl eat!" when she saw it. After I ate some granola, yogurt, and banana and we waited (and chatted) for two hours. We passed with flying colors.

Also got blood taken. Makes me LOVE LOVE LOVE midwifery and can't imagine having to go to Kaiser to deal with this instead.

April 6, 2010


Tim and I just got back from a four day trip to rural virginia. I don't know if the folks there would consider it rural, but it was pretty remote. Tim thought I would be surprised by how remote it was and how "country" everything seemed, but in reality, it was pretty much like a lot of Sonoma County. While it was all beautiful, I'm thrilled to live where I live and climbing into my own bed on Saturday night at 11pm was one of the best feelings in the world.

I was really nervous about flying Southwest pregnant. I'm pretty uncomfortable generally, so 6 hours on a plane seemed horrifying. The great things was PREBOARDING! I got on each plane first, got to get the fabulous front row seats, and stretch my legs the whole time. I was worried about being without food, so I bought a ton of snacks and packed a mini cooler with vegis, cheese, and hummus. Since you can't bring ice through security, I would fill up a large ziplock with ice when we got through and it would last a long time! Everything stayed cold and fresh!

When we got to Raleigh we stayed in a great little B&B - it was a little pricier than what we tend to stay in, but well worth the money. We went to eat some BBQ (which was heavenly), but Tim wasn't looking so hot, so we went home early.

I got concerned about him as he was falling asleep (he just looked a little funny and was saying strange things), but he assured me it was just exhaustion and went to bed. I woke up in the middle of the night and he was burning up. We were up the rest of the night trying to bring down his fever. By morning, he was convinced he was fine, just a little tired, and we continued on our journey.

to be continued.

March 22, 2010

I think I hit the uncomfortable stage

Now that I'm not super duper sick all the time (thanks again to the zofran), a new kind of discomfort has appeared. My lungs are smushed, my stomach is teensy, and it feels like I'm carrying a two pound baby inside me. Oh wait.

I've gained over 20 pounds at this point. I know it's all good stuff for the baby, but carrying it around is exhausting! Walking can leave me breathless, eating wears me out, and sitting/lying/standing for any period of time gets to be painful.

People LOVE pregnant ladies - which is fun. People make eye contact and smile, hold doors, make silly polite conversation, and get so excited when we tell them we're having a boy.

My moods seem to be swinging a bit - mostly when we can't find a bathroom or I can't get what I want to eat (what's up marin county with not letting your restaurants/frozen yogurt stands/bakeries have bathrooms for the public to use - seriously not okay). Poor Tim just gives apologetic smiles to the shop keepers as I storm out to the next place trying to find some food/place to "rest".

I'm going a little nuts lately wishing I could nest, but not having a permanent "nest". Do we want to paint and do all the fun stuff to get a room ready when we might not stay here very long?

Belly shot - 24 weeks

March 15, 2010

You don't know what you've got till its gone.

and it is. My waist that is. G O N E. Flipping through photos a couple days ago there was one that I've always thought made me look horrible - but all I could see this time was how teensy my waist was :)

We're heading to LA this weekend and the weatherman says it'll be beautiful. Dare I wear a bathing suit in public right now? I always thought I'd be so down for it, but I'm a little self conscious right now.

Belly pic to be posted soon (such a hassle to upload pics).

March 1, 2010

Our social life has taken a bit of a hit since I got pregnant and sick. Now that I'm feeling a bit better (still taking my meds) I'm really trying to go out and have fun at least for Tim's sake. Poor guy misses his friends and socializing and most of the time I'm a lazy, tired, lump.

This weekend we really went all out. Friday night we were with the muffins in Sacramento. While we were all sitting around eating waffles with whipped cream (yup, when gigi's in charge, you get whipped cream on your waffles) when she lifted my shirt. I told her she could talk to Turner though my belly button. She said "Hi turner" and got a little shy and backed away. She got very excited when she realized that she and turner and rhys would all be brothers soon - yup - brothers.

We came back over Saturday morning and played and read books (Darian read us some books as well) and had a freeze dance party (our new favorite game to play when we are over there).

Dinner with friends Saturday night. So fun - we love these friends, but usually have to plan months in advance to see them b/c our weekends are so booked. It was great to have grownup time and REALLy yummy food. These friends do have good taste in wine though - so I had to miss out.

Sunday Tim was like an 8 year old boy. It was sunny outside and he just couldn't hold back his excitement to get outside and "play with his friends" as he put it. After calling a few folks, he got ahold of our friends who just closed on a house in Berkeley. We went over there and Tim got a little excited about possibilities of owning something in the east bay. I just have to keep reminding him why we live in San Francisco.

I'm exhausted now, but luckily next weekend we have NOTHING planned. And we're keeping it that way.

February 15, 2010

We're 21 weeks today! More than halfway done cooking this muffin!

That means the baby is banana sized (not those wimpy organic banana's either) about 10.5 inches long and 12oz! Growing like crazy!

I can feel him all the time now - a lot of action today (especially as he kicks at what feels like my cervix).

I'm definitely feeling pregnant at this point. Its nice to have a little belly, but depending on the clothes - you still can't really tell. Our midwives tell us that I'll be popping for sure in the next couple of weeks.

We signed up for our homebirth class today. I'm excited to get to meet other homebirth parents and also just to get a better idea of what we should be doing to prepare for pain management and labor in general. I'm not thinking too much about labor at this point, but I have total confidence in my ability to birth this baby and in my midwives to make any medical calls necessary.

We are thrilled with our choice of Ami and Nancy and feel so completely supported by them. We totally look forward to our visits and feel like a good friend is coming to visit everytime they come over.

So far, little Turner is growing perfectly, right on track. We like that.

February 8, 2010

This might be a strange post, but I want to track this - and I think the blog is acting like a journal mostly at this point, but...

To date I've gained: 9 pounds. Two pounds the first three months, and 7 in the last two. Overweight to begin with, so I think I'm right on track.

February 7, 2010

Big as a Cantalope!

Our baby is 6.5 inches long (from rump to head) and about 10.5 oz at 20 weeks.
He's starting to make meconium (baby poop), can hear and taste (guess I need to start eating better so the baby isn't a sugar addict like I am right now).

We're at the halfway point tomorrow and it's actually pretty exciting how many things have come together at this 20 week point.

Tim felt Turner for the first time today. We were having a park day in Golden Gate Park and all of a sudden, I felt him kick (or punch or headbutt), and had Tim push pretty hard on my tummy and at the moment I felt him, Tim jumped back and told me he felt it! Its pretty exciting to get to share that part of it with him.

The ultrasound technician told us that Tim wouldn't be able to feel him until 25 or 26 weeks because I have an anterior placenta (it sits on the front of my belly, not the back like most people), but they were wrong. Strong little dude made his presence known :)

I had my first REALLY good day yesterday. No Zofran, good mood, no nausea. It was pretty spectacular. I can tell that the Zofran does make me a bit more mellow and it was pretty fun to be perky again, even if just for one day. I got sick today though and had to take it, but I have faith that the nausea is on its way out for good.

Baby has some clothes on the way. I realized that we hadn't actually purchased anything for the baby and he's halfway here - I had a little panic attack last night because I was worried that the baby wouldn't have any soft cuddly blankets. I decided that if that was what I thought the baby needed, I should just buy one.

So I went on a little shopping spree and a couple $7.00 items turned into $50.00 pretty quickly online. But I'm excited to get some cute stuff. I hate it when people post things they bought on their blogs b/c I feel like it's free advertising for companies that can afford to pay for it themselves, but I had to post some of the cuteness.

(how cute is this hat?)

I didn't actually end up buying a blanket, but got great ideas on on how to make really cozy great blankets myself (and that don't cost 50 bucks for a blanket).

January 31, 2010


All boy.

New symptoms

backache when I lay on my back
food cravings are intense, and I'm eating every two hours (except on days when I'm really nauseated)
extreme emotions (anger mostly)
can't sleep in any position comfortably

January 28, 2010

Belly Pic 18 weeks

Still not much to show at this point.

In 12 hours

We have the long ultrasound and we find out the sex tomorrow and I feel like I did when I was a kid at Christmas. Just like when I was a kid I'm thinking about going to bed early so tomorrow will come faster and I can know if everything looks OK and if our muffin will have indoor or outdoor plumbing.

I am thinking about which books I'm going to read when I put my kid to bed. I've been remembering the section in the William Carlos Williams biography where the family was sitting around the fire and his father was reading Shakespeare out loud after dinner. I've been thinking about the days we'll have at the beach and at the park and getting up early to drive to somewhere to camp and how they will have all these cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents in their life.

This kind of excitement feels so much like falling in love in that I care so much but so much is out of my control. And the stakes are high--just like in love when you are giving your heart but there is the fear of something going wrong. And I know that whatever is meant to be will be but that doesn't stop me from fully expecting that our baby will be above average in every way.

January 20, 2010


Today was my first day that I haven't taken my medicine to stop the nausea and vomiting and I've done pretty well. I'm a little nauseous, but I think it's mostly b/c I'm STARVING all day. Last night I bought 10 pounds of peaches. Normally we try to buy locally and organically, but I smelled them from across the grocery store a few nights ago, bought the store out, and went back for more. In three days I've spent almost $50 on peaches.

Then Tim comes in tonight with that look on his face like we have to have a serious conversation.

January 8, 2010

Baby Pic

We totally forgot to post our baby pic up here!

Here he/she is at 11 weeks and a couple days:

The baby was waving at us in the ultrasound.

Our next big one comes on the 29th of January. Hopefully we'll find out her/his name at that appointment!

January 4, 2010

Belly Pic

15 weeks


Here's a pic of my belly so far. Tim and I can see the difference, but most of you probably haven't seen my naked stomach too many times :)

This was from Christmas morning (so I was about 13 1/2 weeks along). I'm a little bigger now (and it's more pronounced), so I'll have Tim take a pic tonight if I'm feeling photogenic.

January 2, 2010