I belong to several mama groups and have made some great mama friends and it really surprises me that we all have some of the same challenges around figuring out our relationships with our spouse and what it looks like to be the one home and the one working.
We live in San Francisco and all have feminist uber progressive husbands/partners, but for some reason we all have wacky traditional role problems when the babies come out.
I'm SO lucky to get to stay home for seven months with our boy and still have a job to go back to, but I'm finding that both Papa and I have these high expectations for ourselves that are based on really sexist assumptions that drive us both up the wall.
With absolutely no pressure from each other we both feel intense responsibility. Tim feels like he needs to be the financial backbone of the family and feels pressure to PROVIDE (in all caps). I feel this responsibility to care for our family, keep the house in order, make sure we're eating, and ensure that the baby doesn't cry.
The house will not stay clean because I'm busy helping my boy's brain grow and I'd rather play with him and sing the silly abc's than do dishes or fold my laundry. No just because its more fun (sometimes I'd rather do dishes), but because I want to give him all that I can.
Turns out that a lot of mamas I know with new babes feel the same way and I can't quite figure out what we can do about it.
I am so greatful for the other mamas though because without them I know I'd feel incredibly alone in this challenge of reconfiguring out lives.
Here's Turner on a play date with one of his many girlfriends (and yes, the mohawk is all natural and we don't put anything in it):