January 28, 2010

In 12 hours

We have the long ultrasound and we find out the sex tomorrow and I feel like I did when I was a kid at Christmas. Just like when I was a kid I'm thinking about going to bed early so tomorrow will come faster and I can know if everything looks OK and if our muffin will have indoor or outdoor plumbing.

I am thinking about which books I'm going to read when I put my kid to bed. I've been remembering the section in the William Carlos Williams biography where the family was sitting around the fire and his father was reading Shakespeare out loud after dinner. I've been thinking about the days we'll have at the beach and at the park and getting up early to drive to somewhere to camp and how they will have all these cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents in their life.

This kind of excitement feels so much like falling in love in that I care so much but so much is out of my control. And the stakes are high--just like in love when you are giving your heart but there is the fear of something going wrong. And I know that whatever is meant to be will be but that doesn't stop me from fully expecting that our baby will be above average in every way.

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