October 20, 2010

Mama Guilt

I have such guilt that I'm doing or not doing what is best for my baby.

What do I feel guilty about?
- T playing alone while I do dishes
- wearing clothes with polyester in them
- him glancing at the computer screen for a minute and me not taking him away
- making him ride in the car because it isn't quality time and he hates it so much
- giving him the paci just a couple more times in the morning to hold him off
- saying anything negative in front of him - I don't want to scar him this young
- his diapers cutting into his thighs because they are ginormo
- not bathing him enough
- drinking coffee and feeding him

The list could go on and on...

I totally get the draw of finding an expert and doing what they say, but I know that the experts are not necessarily thinking about the long term health of the baby, but quick results. We have Kaiser, so its hard to find a pediatrician that we trust is skeptical enough about the medical industrial complex. I wish we could have monthly meetings with our midwives forever :)

I wish I had a book I could trust to help me - I'm struggling already trying to figure out how to get rid of the paci at 6 months (its the only way he goes to sleep and stays asleep) and worried about sending him to the nanny who won't have the time to put him down the way I do. I don't really trust anyone but me with my bubbs.

Getting over mama guilt will be the best thing I can do for myself. But how?

1 comment:

  1. oh, mama guilt is CONSTANT. as soon as i solve/get over one thing, i'm onto something else!

    i kinda figure it's like the serenity prayer -- change the things we can, accept the things we can't, wisdom to know the difference blah blah.

    like...i was stressing over plastic sippies (even tho they're bpa free) so instead of thinking about it over and over i just ordered some tiny glass mason jars and i'mma teach harper to use a real cup. so -- changed. then i obsess over germs on the instruments at story time. but i figure -- i want her to be normal and socialize, so i gotta let it go. she chews on them, i look the other way, etc.

    but yeah it's constant and new things are always cropping up. i need to start meditating again!

    oh p.s. the pacifier thing? i'm all for cold turkey. one night, i was just DONE with it. done with putting it back in, done with cleaning it off, done with panicking if we'd left it at home, etc... so? i took it away. (she was 5 months.) she was MAD for a few days/nights and sleep was tough, but then? it was all good and her sleep actually got BETTER. so yeah -- cold turkey. they're too little to remember what they once had! good luck! :)