September 20, 2012

What just happened

There's been radio silence on this blog for about 3 1/2 months.

Cause I've been working and barfing and not much else.

On top of that a family member had surgery (she's fine but I had to be her nurse), my son's school had a week's vacation, and we were trying to buy a river house.

So - this all took a bit of a back burner.

And - to be honest - I'm not really INTO much these days.

I can't cook and don't enjoy food (anymore) so we eat a lot of take out.

We didn't get the river house (AGAIN).

I'm about to get a major paycut at work (no fault of my own, just union negotiations and a crappy environment for working people these days) and we're trying to figure out how we afford two children in San Francisco.

Plus, people I love are having REAL problems.

Anyway - I'll be gone for awhile - if you miss me, think of me in the bathroom sounding like a pterodactyl as I scare my poor two year old with my constant barfing.


(oh - and I posted what I've been writing and not posting while I was trying and finally got pregnant but they are posting in a very strange order - so yes, I am still pregnant)

Month one - and I'm out.

*written months ago - posted after notifying my boss (who I sincerely hope doesn't know this blog exists, but might)

So, we've officially been trying for one cycle.

(oh - yeah - I'm not publishing this yet - so you're reading WAY after the fact ).

I went a little nuts and even after day three of spotting (on days 9, 10, and 11 Days past detected ovulation) I took a pregnancy test.

I decided to officially call today "light" bleeding on fertilityfriend (where you can chart all the delightfully delicious fertility signs/symptoms, like, cervical mucus, body temperature, when you did it, etc) and start my cycle from day one.

Last night (and I knew how crazy I was, thank you very much), I googled to find all the stories of people who got their periods and were STILL pregnant.

I know.

So, we're off to month two.

I'm cutting my coffee consumption in half (and adding half decaf to the grounds mixture), taking my pre-natals, and re-decorating my entire house to make room for a baby :)

Plus, over the hot, hot weekend, we came up with a fantastic plan for staying home with the babe until he/she is ready to go to T's current school (at 18 months). We seriously can't afford more childcare than we have now - so we were considering an au-pair. But, in thinking about how unhappy I am with long term company, it seemed like it might be a bad idea.

So, we have a secret plan and we're both thrilled about it :)

Now, we just need to do it so we can have a munchkin!

Holy Hell, I'm pregnant.

*written months ago - posted after notifying my boss (who I sincerely hope doesn't know this blog exists, but might) 

I suppose I should have known this would happen.

Me getting pregnant and all.

Since I had my IUD removed and we were having sex while I ovulated.

I know. I KNOW.

What the hell were we thinking.

No, but really.

I love the crap out of this baby already.

It was so hard for me to know what to expect with T - plus the dude made me SO F-ING sick. I was really just focused on survival.

But, I have a few weeks before the nausea sets in (or doesn't - keep your fingers crossed), and I'm just loving on my little muffin. Yeah - my muffin, and my muffin top (still have 15 pounds to lose from T).

It is funny, but in my first pregnancy I knew everything. What to eat, what not to eat, which kind of medicine I could take, you know.

This time - In the last two days I've eaten just about EVERYTHING on the "DO NOT EAT" list. Smoked Salmon, deli meat, blue cheese (I know - that's not actually on the do not eat list), caffeine. And only remembered they were bad halfway through my meal.

Plus, I told myself I'd eat super healthy this time. Um, I just ate chicken wings and a cobb salad. Not anywhere near healthy.

Anyway - my little guy is just the sweetest in the world and I can't wait to have another. And I love this one already.

Shit - laptop on LAP. Another no-no just violated.

We're having a baby!

 *written months ago - posted after notifying my boss (who I sincerely hope doesn't know this blog exists, but might)

*written July 18th

A week ago, I felt a major pinch in my side.  Similar to implantation.  I considered not telling Tim in case I was wrong, but wanted to be able to say I knew it if/when I was actually pregnant.

So I told him.

The next day, I kept getting dizzy when I was standing up - and I had some psychosomatic nausea.

I took 5 pregnancy tests and they were all negative (well, I saw two lines, but I see them when they're not there).

The next morning I was starving so I grabbed some cold steamed left-over broccoli (and loved it - which I KNEW was weird).  I was still a little nauseous and was getting dizzy when I stood up again.

I told Bubbs I KNEW I was pregnant.  He blew me off and I took a couple tests.  Negative, negative, negative.

I put the tests on the dresser in the bedroom and continued packing for our trip.

My mom came downstairs and I told them both "I KNOW I'M PREGNANT.  My boobs feel like bowling balls, I'm nauseous and dizzy". 

They both blew me off.

I went to walgreens.  Blew $97 on pregnancy tests.

Took a first response and a digital first response.

AHA!  Light light light little tiny two lines!

Big fat "NO" on the digital.

But, a line is a line is a line.

Bubbs still didn't believe me.

But I knew.

We left for our trip and I bought 10 tests with me.

The next morning I took another test and it was clear.  TWO solid lines.

Baby's due on my birthday, March 25th.  I am five weeks pregnant today.

I can't believe I"m already nauseous at 5 weeks - not anywhere near as bad as it was with T, but there's still time...


I have a leetle problem

 *written months ago - posted after notifying my boss (who I sincerely hope doesn't know this blog exists, but might)

I'll be upfront about this.

I have a VERY addictive personality/genetic code. The majority of my relatives are functioning addicts. Luckily, I've MOSTLY avoided addiction.

I smoked for 10 years - about a pack a day.

I'm slightly obsessive about the house (Bubbs might disagree and cross out the "slightly").

Anyway - I'm currently 8 days past my ovulation date.*

I have blown through 25 cheap pregnancy tests (25 for $8.00).

In the last two days I have blown through $100 in additional pregnancy tests.

Folks, I'd say we have a problem.

The chances of my body even showing signs of being pregnant are like 50% right now.

The chances of my body being ready to get pregnant are even lower (I haven't had a full cycle without my iud yet).

But, I've wasted a TON of money on tests.

And, I truly think I see lines on every single test.

Every single one.

And they aren't there.

We call this an addiction.

I can't stop peeing.

My poor son keeps asking to eat the pregnancy tests I leave everywhere (waiting for the five minutes to be up).


My boobs are tender, I've had cramping on and off for about a week, slight lower back pain, and I'm uncharacteristically understanding and nice.

I haven't had a true cycle since the ONE I had before we conceived T - I've been on birth control pretty much my whole before and after him. So these could also all be per-menstral symptoms (other than the niceness - that's just f-ing weird).

Obsessive about a baby

*written months ago - posted after notifying my boss (who I sincerely hope doesn't know this blog exists, but might) 

*this post was written well before you are going to read it.

We've gone back and forth between wanting another child. Before I was pregnant with T, I would have told you I wanted two kids and I wanted them three years apart.

Between the hypermesis (puking through 7 months), the challenges of attachment parenting, and finances, we just didn't think we could do it for a couple more years and we weren't sure we wanted to do it at all.

But, Bubbs and I both love our siblings and we don't think it is fair to T to only have one.

My friend talks about playing by herself on Christmas morning with all of her new toys and it is one of the saddest images.

So, one night I told him I was ready.

His eyes got big, he pretended to hyperventilate, and agreed.

I made an appointment to get my IUD out (I won't go into what kind of disaster that was).

Last time with T, I tracked my Basal Body Temperature, Cervical Mucus, used ovulation tests, and probably took 50 pregnancy tests in the month and a half it took us to conceive.

Luckily, this time, I had my "period" (minor spotting) right before IUD removal, so I was able to start a new cycle fresh this time around. An ovulation test picked up my ovulation a week and a half later and we made sure to boogie right around that date.

We pretend we're trying for a girl, but both know that it is a little redunculous.

So, I spotted a teeny bit (pink light blood) at 3 days past ovulation as well as had a few minor cramps. At 5 days past ovulation I had a sharp pinch feeling like I did with T when he implanted.

I've taken 5 pregnancy tests today already (I know it is WAY too early).

I am obsessed. Totally obsessed.

Oh - we ate at Gary Danko (top SF restaurant) the other night - cause it might not ever happen again once we have two in tow.

And - we have no idea how we're going to afford childcare for two, but what the heck!