(Google ads are strange - the one that just popped up for me (on THIS blog) was for anorexia and bulimia counseling - maybe I talk about food too much :)

On Christmas morning I sneezed and wet myself a little bit - such a funny weird pregnancy symptom.

I went into the living room to tell my sister and Darian got a very concerned look on her face, "you have to change your panties, gigi. You have to change your pants."

I wonder if it made her confused or comforted that a grownup did what she occasionally accidentally does.

According to a Chinese fertility chart, we'll be having a boy.

hmmmm...we'll see.

New symptom: REALLY sensitive teeth

When I eat anything or breath in with my mouth open all of my front teeth hurt. I guess I'll make an appointment with the dentist tomorrow and check with the midwife, but man oh man, now that I can eat, it hurts! Grrrrrr

My lovely lady bump? Check it out!

I am either really bloated or I have a little bump. Even if it's bloat, I'm letting it all hang out. Most people just probably think I have a tire around my middle, but it's actually all my organs all smashed up!

Starving

So, apparently, when I've felt like I was starving, I actually was! We went to Kaiser yesterday for a quick visit with our new NP (recommended by our midwife team). They always make me pee twice at Kaiser. The first time they stick a long dipstick with about 15 different tests in it. One of the things they test for is Ketones and apparently, there were some in my urine.

This means that I'm not getting enough food so my body is eating the fat I've stored (plenty of it!). The byproduct of this process is ketones. The baby, in it's parasitic relationship with my body, is getting what it needs, but it weakens me and is bad long term for the baby as well.

We were prescribed an anti-nausea medication which scared both Tim and I. For many years there were anti-nausea meds that caused severe deformities and another that caused reproductive problems in the children. But after lots of research and talking with our midwives we've decided to take the plunge and on bad days I'll try the medicine.

We only got 12 pills b/c they are very expensive (our insurance covers them 100%). I read that without insurance they are $25 per pill!

I'm traveling to San Diego this weekend (thurs-sunday) for work, so I'm hoping the pills will make it so I can survive the San Diego Convention Center.

With that bad news though, we then got to go see our muffin! She looks great! She was waving at us (apparently all movement is involuntary at this point b/c it is coming from her spine, not her brain) and measures perfectly. At this point she is about 2.5 inches and the size of a lime!

First checkup with our midwife

One of our midwife team, Ami Burnham, came over yesterday for our first checkup. I love so much that they come to our place. We found out first hand when we were interviewing another midwife that driving through city traffic and trying to find parking and the building doesn't leave us feeling so warm and baby happy.

This was an experience like I have never had with any other medical professional. She came over, had a cup of tea and we sat in our living room and she apologized that the first few sessions are paperwork heavy. No problem by me--I was happy that she was explaining why they needed whatever medical info and how it would be used. Also, aside from the normal family medical history questions, she also asked about our relationship and how Regina was feeling and gave us a few things to try for the nausea that we hadn't tried before.

A great example of why we chose to work with these midwifes is our discussion of sonograms. We were debating whether we should have the 13 week sonogram and Ami referenced a study that showed potential side effects from long term and massive amounts of sonogram use. I, being a slightly neurotic research hound had read the study and was impressed by her take on it--that the study used such an extreme case that it was not really applicable, but that the safest thing to do is only have them done if there is specific and important information needed from it.

For the actual checkup Ami had Regina lie down in the window seat and felt around her belly and used the Doppler to try to find the heartbeat. It ended up being too early to hear yet.

The whole process was the opposite of going to Kaiser--reassuring rather than stressful, relationship building rather than alienating, being a person rather than a (medical) number.

Thankful

I am so grateful to have a husband. Not only b/c I have an amazing person to spend my life with and a buddy to do everything with, but really, for the most selfish reasons, having a husband cuts down on the amount of vomiting I do.

Walking with an empty stomach is dangerous and leads to a lot of time in the bathroom.

Tim just woke up and went to safeway to satisfy my new craving - and he never complains. He really is the best in the whole world.

We also entertained 30 of MY family members on Thursday and so far I've done about 1/25th of the cleaning and he's done the rest.

Finally, a decent book

I'm reading "The Birth Partner" by Penny Simkin and am relieved to have finally found a good book on how to be of some use during all of this. Not that I didn't find the other books written for guys really amusing in their caveman level advice: "she's pregnant not fat, so don't make fun of her for gaining weight" said one. My feeling is that if you need that advice I'm wishing that you hadn't chosen to reproduce already.

Anyway, "The Birth Partner" has actual real, detailed advice like making sure to turn up the water heater temperature if you are planning a home birth and will need many gallons of hot water for the birthing tub. And that I need to make sure that I've been lifting weights and doing cardio so that I can be ready for the possible 24 hours plus of labor where I may have to press on her back to relieve pain, help hold her in a more comfortable position, etc.

Food of the day

Yesterday I devoured a whole turkey sandwich. It was my first real meal in weeks.

Today I'm having apple juice and tater tots with lots of ketchup.

Yum.

These hormones are out of control.

Yesterday there were Christmas carols on the radio and I started SOBBING in the car.

And, last night, Bubbs and I were practicing "part of that world" (from the little mermaid) for darian and I started sobbing again.

Amazing how much power stupid music has over me.

And the morning sickness has turned into truly that. I throw up every morning (or dry heave), and then just feel nauseated for the rest of the day.

Linda's baby

Thank God Linda had her baby and we got to go over and hold him to remind us why we are doing this. And he is one heck of a cute baby. Seeing Regina hold him made me crazy tender hearted.

Appetizing, I know

Is this blog the most disgusting thing ever, or what?

Like people want to read about my digestive problems.

Anyway, just threw up after LOOKING at potato bread.

Got to hold a newborn yesterday. I guess this will be worth it after all :)

So we're walking along the street

After a fund raising dinner Regina, her mom and I are walking to the car and Regina pulls over to puke in the curb. I, rather by habit at this point, pull her hair back and patiently wait until we can keep walking. When I looked over at her mom and saw her eyes wide and she was asking if she was OK, I realized that I guess it has gotten normal for me to be around some one who can catch a whiff of, well, anything and throw up. I used to think that all the hormonal weirdness was like being around insane person. So what does it mean about me that it now seems normal?

My food problems

My favorite burrito - can't eat
My favorite Chinese - can't eat
Loved refried beans for two days - now, can't eat
Loved orange juice for two weeks - now, can't drink
Loved baked beans for 3 hours - no way will I eat that now
Ate a whole bag of corn chips one day - now they make my stomach feel like it's going to explode.

Today I LOVE a flour tortilla with butter and honey microwaved for 50 seconds and lemonade. Heaven.

First Ultrasound Pic

So now I know why people post these things and no one can really see anything except a little 10mm blob. But it is our 10mm blob.

No fair

My favorite pregnancy food so far has been orange juice. It doesn't smell funny, it doesn't have a funky texture, but after just throwing up a whole glass of it, I think I'm giving it up for good. So sad.

First Ultrasound

We went to Kaiser today and got great news from our first ultrasound. Most importantly there is a heartbeat, or that is what the nurse practitioner said was the flashing blip on the screen. Really it looked like an old low resolution video game. Also, the baby is in the right place (meaning the uterus) and has a yolk sac, so it is as the nurse called him/her "viable." This means the miscarriage rate goes down to about 5%. So I am really relieved.

Gigi was sick the whole time but they had apple juice there so she didn't throw up. I tried to be as supportive as I could. Very interesting difference in the way I was treated at Kaiser versus with the midwives yesterday. At Kaiser I went back with Gigi and while the nurse was taking her blood pressure she informed me that I was not allowed back in the room with her during the interview. At first I thought this was some strange hold over from the "keep the dad out of the room" era so I asked why. The nurse got this odd look on her face and said: "that's just the new protocol. But you can come back after the interview." The was she said it, I knew immediately that it was so that the woman could tell the nurse about any smoking, drug use, prior abortions, abuse, etc that she may not admit to in front of her partner. So I sat out in the waiting room until they called me back.

Contrast that with the midwives who yesterday, when we asked them what the requirements for us would be, answered that they expected me to be at all the meetings, classes, the birth or course, etc and that we would have to work as a team with them. They also recommended a book for birthing partners that wasn't written down to guys--unlike the 2 that I looked at already.

My Pants Don't Fit

My pants don't fit me.

It could be because I'm completely bloated, or it could be because I haven't eaten a vegetable in over two weeks.

I'm going to say it's because my uterus is expanding to 500 times it's original size.

Meeting our Midwife

We had our first interview/appointment with our midwife today. We were a little nervous, but mostly exciting.

When she arrived I started crying (I've been crying a lot lately), but after that embarrassment was over, it was a great visit.

We connected really well with both midwives (they have a team of two that work together) and they were wonderfully open and direct.

Every answer they gave was exactly what we wanted to hear, so I hope they are the ones we continue with in our pregnancy!


We have a doctor's appointment at Kaiser tomorrow for our first ultrasound to find the muffin's heartbeat which will probably allow us to spread the word about our exciting news.

The following day we meet one more midwife. I'm so enthralled with the ones we met today, it will be interesting to meet someone else.

I ate ribs and baked beans today - which I never eat. They were scrumptious.

Organic baby politics

I’ve been reading “The Complete Organic Pregnancy” by Deirdre Dolan and Alexandra Zissu. Of course I am overwhelmed by the myriad of toxins that cause (at certain levels at least) birth defects or cancer. As I was taking a shower and reading the ingredient list on my shampoo I was trying to remember the list of toxins I was supposed to be looking for, and then I thought how I would just go to Rainbow with Regina and we would pick out not-toxic shampoo and pay the extra money.

This is the point that has been bothering me all day—how I do have the money to look at organic cotton mattresses and non-toxic shampoo but I know that there are others who don’t have the extra money to do it. I was also thinking about how in the book I’m reading it keeps referencing how certain European countries have already banned fill-in-the-blank chemical from fill-in-the-blank baby product, yet in the United States you have to one, do a lot of research to find out what legal chemicals are actually dangerous to your baby, and two, have the extra money to spend on those products. Yes, I am grateful to have both, but am really uncomfortable how the anti-regulation dogma of corporate fundamentalist have created this situation. For instance, our local radio station had a spot on all the lead in baby toys—and how most of them came from the dollar store.

So, if you have the discretionary time and money you can make sure your baby is not exposed to toxins; if you do not, you take your chances because our government has decided not to regulate imports and chemicals as strictly as other nations have. In other words, the regulation of food and baby products that the government should be doing is left to those who can afford to outsource it to non-governmental organizations who pass on a “tax” in terms of a higher cost.

So, when I run for office you better believe Nadar and I will be stumping on this!

Refried Beans

I cried for 15 minutes this morning about refried beans.

Think I'm pregnant?

The nausea never stops

I just looked at a photo of a crisp fresh pillow case on Facebook.

I gagged at the thought of the smell of the new pillowcase.

I'm totally insane.

Help with my nausea?

While I adore that my husband put all this time and energy into making our house less poisonous - the smell of the new dishwashing detergent made me make a mad dash for the bathroom this morning.

I am so sick.

Greening our house

I have been reading "The Complete Organic Pregnancy" and trying to green our house. Here's a list of what I've done so far:

• Replaced our dish washing detergent with Meyer's (non-toxic). The test load worked OK--we'll see if it passes GiGi's approval.
• Replaced our laundry detergent (Meyer's again).
• Replaced our liquid soap with the vegetable based, organic Dr. Bronner's.
• Replaced my shampoo with an organic, non-toxic one and I must say that I am having a really good hair day.
  
• Bought a carbon monoxide detector. Should've done this a a while ago.
• Made a great, all organic big pot of Italian Green Cream Soup with potato, leeks, and swiss chard.
• Made a ginger and pomegranate simple syrup to add to bubble water for a real ginger ale to try to help with GiGi's nausea.
  

First trip to natural resources

We went to Natural Resources last night to look at their midwife questionnaire book, went for tacos afterward, and then came home and watched "The Business of Being Born" again. I must admit that I choked up during the home birth scenes where after grunting and groaning and pushing the midwife finally says "now reach down and get your baby," and the mother holds her (rather slimy and still squashed looking) baby for the first time.

I told Regina, and I suppose she can always pull out this blog post to prove it later, that if she were willing to go through that for our family, I would do what ever she wants forever.

Just bought my first onesie

I just bought Jr. his (assuming he) first onesie. It is a painting made by my friend Gabe--very abstract/cubist so that Jr. will start off with good taste.

Happy, Scared, Excited, Protective, Proud, Overwhelmed

All at the same time--well, rotating in different combos really.

I keep having this gnawing in my gut that I have a ton of stuff to do, combined with being kind of distracted all the time so it is hard to remember what I was thinking about doing in the first place.

Soon after finding out she is pregnant she got sick with a fever and sore throat and I freaked out and read everything about swine flu and pregnancy--which is all pretty scary stuff. I spent two nights not being able to sleep for listening to her breathing and cough to see if it sounded like it was turning into viral pneumonia, going as far as putting my ear to the back of her back to see it I heard any fluid sounds. Strange to feel so protective and in another sense kind of powerless: it is her body that is changing, is sick, has our baby growing inside of it. As much as we may have agreed to split household chores, keep separate bank accounts, respect each others need for space, etc. being what I have considered very modern, very equal; this feels very ancient (maybe that is not the right word for it). I can be in solidarity and drink decaf too, not drink the wonderful bottle of pinot noir at her mother's dinner, go to the bookstore and pick out books on childbirth; but really it is her sense of smell that is so acute she can smell the dust in a glass that has been in the cupboard for a week, her body that will keep changing.

Implantation

I was running a steward training on Saturday (10/17/09) and felt sharp pinching/poking inside my uterus. The lower left side. I immediately picked up my cell phone and texted Tim "I'm cramping!" To which he replied "is that good?".

I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I was sure that was a good sign. It didn't feel like normal menstrual cramping as it was a teensy tiny spot and painful.

The next day as I lay on the couch (Tim was at the exploratorium with a 10 year old friend and a 30 year old friend), I felt them again and decided to test.

I tested and after looking at the test at the 10 minute mark, decided there was a line there. It was VERY faint. I thought I might be making it up. You could only see it if you moved it at a certain angle.

When Tim got home I thrust it at him. He couldn't see the line. When I finally got him to see it, he wasn't a believer - too faint for him (he doesn't know that a line is a line is a line).

I told him to wait because it just gets darker (and honestly, I didn't think it was real either).

The next morning I took another one, but he still didn't believe the line. I told him to go across the street and buy a digital one. He brought it home and I peed on it (I actually did it wrong the first time). I went into the window seat to drink my coffee and brought the test with me.

It beeped - and

Pregnant!