October 27, 2009

First trip to natural resources

We went to Natural Resources last night to look at their midwife questionnaire book, went for tacos afterward, and then came home and watched "The Business of Being Born" again. I must admit that I choked up during the home birth scenes where after grunting and groaning and pushing the midwife finally says "now reach down and get your baby," and the mother holds her (rather slimy and still squashed looking) baby for the first time.

I told Regina, and I suppose she can always pull out this blog post to prove it later, that if she were willing to go through that for our family, I would do what ever she wants forever.

October 26, 2009

Just bought my first onesie

I just bought Jr. his (assuming he) first onesie. It is a painting made by my friend Gabe--very abstract/cubist so that Jr. will start off with good taste.

October 25, 2009

Happy, Scared, Excited, Protective, Proud, Overwhelmed

All at the same time--well, rotating in different combos really.

I keep having this gnawing in my gut that I have a ton of stuff to do, combined with being kind of distracted all the time so it is hard to remember what I was thinking about doing in the first place.

Soon after finding out she is pregnant she got sick with a fever and sore throat and I freaked out and read everything about swine flu and pregnancy--which is all pretty scary stuff. I spent two nights not being able to sleep for listening to her breathing and cough to see if it sounded like it was turning into viral pneumonia, going as far as putting my ear to the back of her back to see it I heard any fluid sounds. Strange to feel so protective and in another sense kind of powerless: it is her body that is changing, is sick, has our baby growing inside of it. As much as we may have agreed to split household chores, keep separate bank accounts, respect each others need for space, etc. being what I have considered very modern, very equal; this feels very ancient (maybe that is not the right word for it). I can be in solidarity and drink decaf too, not drink the wonderful bottle of pinot noir at her mother's dinner, go to the bookstore and pick out books on childbirth; but really it is her sense of smell that is so acute she can smell the dust in a glass that has been in the cupboard for a week, her body that will keep changing.

October 23, 2009


I was running a steward training on Saturday (10/17/09) and felt sharp pinching/poking inside my uterus. The lower left side. I immediately picked up my cell phone and texted Tim "I'm cramping!" To which he replied "is that good?".

I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I was sure that was a good sign. It didn't feel like normal menstrual cramping as it was a teensy tiny spot and painful.

The next day as I lay on the couch (Tim was at the exploratorium with a 10 year old friend and a 30 year old friend), I felt them again and decided to test.

I tested and after looking at the test at the 10 minute mark, decided there was a line there. It was VERY faint. I thought I might be making it up. You could only see it if you moved it at a certain angle.

When Tim got home I thrust it at him. He couldn't see the line. When I finally got him to see it, he wasn't a believer - too faint for him (he doesn't know that a line is a line is a line).

I told him to wait because it just gets darker (and honestly, I didn't think it was real either).

The next morning I took another one, but he still didn't believe the line. I told him to go across the street and buy a digital one. He brought it home and I peed on it (I actually did it wrong the first time). I went into the window seat to drink my coffee and brought the test with me.

It beeped - and