I drove down a street in our neighborhood yesterday that I don't normally drive down. I remembered a walk I took T on when he was about 9 months old.
It was hell.
He wanted to stand in the stroller, I'd forgotten the Becco/Ergo/Carrier, and when I finally let him "do" his thing, he wanted to sit on the ground and play with garbage. If I picked him up, he would do the back arch/scream/evil thing. It was a no win situation and I was stuck, four blocks from home, and I couldn't figure out how to get my kid home.
That being said:
I always assumed I would have two kids.
All my friends with babies T's age are starting to try for their second.
I think they are nuts. Don't they remember?
Bubbs and I used to joke that we didn't want another one, but as T gets easier and easier, I realized that I might not be joking anymore.
In pregnancy, I threw up every day for 5 months and spent every moment before and after the vomiting - totally nauseous. It ended when I had him. But then I had the itching. For the first two weeks he was born, my entire body itched. SERIOUSLY. I couldn't use topical stuff because it was all poison. It was like torture.
Breastfeeding was actually easy for me, but I didn't have the patience to "enjoy" it like I was supposed to. Plus, for a period of like three months, he would only nurse laying down and he was exclusively breastfed. Which was awkward to say the least. And breastfeeding is So messy.
The fluids that get everywhere.
Especially those first two weeks.
Our relationship was HARD when T was a baby. Bubbs got a little depressed from all the changes, my family got a little weird, and we truly didn't sleep. My body still hasn't recovered (take pictures of your boobs pre-baby, ladies - you'll forget what they looked like).
When T was like 6 months old, I started to get the craving for another. I chalk that bought of insanity on hormones.
And recently, I realize WHY other people have kids now. The ones you have now actually play with other kids, they want to play with YOU and you certainly don't want to put money in the coffee can all day - so they need a playmate - one that can be there at 5:30 in the morning. Plus, this is the time when you forget the other stuff.
We don't particularly have the money to pay for childcare for two.
We have a two bedroom house, so I'm not sure how that will work out.
I know there are a ton of techniques some parents use to make it work, but I'm not sure I like them.
I adore my kid. He is funny and sweet and I would give everything to make him happy (sometimes it feels like I already do). He's a joy to be around and I'm proud to be his mama.
But does he need a sibling?
Bubbs and I really like ours. We have great relationships with them.
And what happens when we die - doesn't he have a right to some immediate family left?
What happens when we go nuts - doesn't have a right to have someone to talk about it with?
I have an only child friend who said that Christmas mornings were totally sad because she had no one to play with her.
Being an aunt is one of the greatest joys of my life, would I really deprive him of that?
Is having a second kid the greatest sacrifice of all for your child?
We're obviously not tying any tubes at this point or getting out the laser pointer, but I want to make an informed decision about another one and be sure if we pass up the optimal time frame that it was on purpose and not something we regret later. I'm pretty sure if anything happens it won't be for at least two more years...but are they then so far apart that it defeats the purpose?
Why do people have second ones? How do you cope?